I’ve revisited reading High Output Management by Andy Grove this week.
It’s easy to dismiss a book first published in 1983, but it’s a text I go back to for a practical and insightful perspective. Grove writes with clarity about management, decision making and organisational performance. (Shout of thanks here to Oren Cohen, CCO at Zen Educate who first introduced me to the book.)
In a recent coaching conversation with a talented start up CTO this week a question came up about the relationship between team members and managers and how you manage friendships within this professional relationship. There’s no set answer, (although it’s an area where you can find lots of people who will express an opinion) confidently putting their view forward without asking useful questions to help explore exactly what the concern or opportunity is here.
Grove reminds us that the primary responsibility of a leader is not to preserve friendships, it’s to create the conditions in which people and teams can perform at their best.
That sounds straightforward, but life and leadership are messy and relationships, when we care about the people we work with, can feel complicated. And of course sometimes, people we are already friends with become our managers and visa versa.
Gove’s pragmatism can help here as he sets out some standards. This is especially useful as when we or others articulate an opinion or assessment, we are always applying a standard. Whether or not we’ve noticed or clarified it, the standard/s will be there, so getting them noticed and explicit is hugely helpful and building our own insight and setting out what leadership looks like in our organisation.
1. Your job, as a leader, is to maximise your team’s output
The output of a manager is the output of the organisational units under his or her supervision.”
Every management decision should ultimately be judged by whether it improves the team’s performance.
Coaching questions for leaders:
- How are you viewing your role in this relationship?
- What priorities is that view taking care of for you?
- How would you rate the effectiveness of your leadership within this relationship?
- What evidence supports or challenges that rating?
2. Caring about people includes holding them accountable
Avoiding difficult conversations because you like someone is poor management. If someone isn’t performing, delaying feedback is unfair to:
- the individual, because they lose the opportunity to improve;
- the rest of the team, because standards decline.
Candid and timely feedback is an act of responsibility, not hostility. In the words of Brené Brown ‘Clear is kind.’
Coaching questions for leaders:
- What have you not said, that to be fair and kind needs saying, and which if you did say could open up a better future?
- What does delaying this conversation take care of for you?
- What emotions are you carrying about this conversation which may be getting in your way?
- What would help you prepare for this conversation?
3. Managers can usefully build trust rather than popularity
Grove distinguishes between being liked and being effective. An effective manager:
- has regular one-to-ones;
- listens carefully;
- coaches and develops people;
- makes clear decisions;
- gives honest feedback.
People may not always enjoy those conversations, but managers can build trust by consistently acting in the team’s and individual’s best interests.
Coaching questions for leaders:
If we think about assessments of trust being based on our:
- Credibility
- Sincerity
- Reliability
- Involvement
(Sieler, A)
- What assessment would you make about how your team currently experiences you?
- How well is your current way of being, enabling you to build trust with your team?
4. Friendship cannot override judgement
Grove doesn’t rule out friendships, he advises an alertness to the risk of allowing personal relationships to affect decisions such as:
- performance reviews;
- promotions;
- allocation of work;
- compensation;
- disciplinary action.
Once a manager treats one report differently because of friendship, credibility, and therefore trust with the rest of the team is damaged. Building trust is slow, diminishing it can be fast.
Coaching questions for leaders:
Imagine giving a team member who is your friend an evidence based and less than positive performance review; what do you notice?
- Are you able to care personally and challenge directly?
How coaching helps
One of the most powerful distinctions in ontological coaching is how our narratives and beliefs, followed by the moods created through those narratives shape:
- what we notice,
- the conversations we believe are available; and
- the actions we consider possible.
Rather than assume friendships are just not possible, it’s useful to consider questions of boundaries and curiosity.
- What are the areas of my personal life I do not want to bring into work?
- What kind of relationship and care is possible that can enhance our experience of work?
Leadership development is not about acquiring more techniques, it’s about expanding our capacity to observe ourselves, notice the stories we’re telling, the moods we’re inhabiting, the identities we’re protecting and the conversations we’re avoiding.
Grove and ontological coaching ask complementary questions.
Grove asks:
- How do I increase the performance of my team?
Coaching asks:
- Who do I need to become to increase the potentiality for that performance to emerge?
Together, these questions invite a richer understanding of leadership.
Here’s a last question to consider if you know you have challenging conversations ahead:
- Are the conversations I’m avoiding really protecting the relationship, or simply protecting me from discomfort?
I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Further reading:
Two great resources on challenging conversations include:
- Susan Scott: Fierce Conversations
- Kim Scott: Radical Candor