One to one meetings are the foundation, the engine room of our business. If they’re led well we get to know our teams and what motivates them, show we care about them and their work and improve productivity and performance.
If one-to-ones are feeling like just another task in your already too busy schedule, rest assured that’s how your team will feel too. And let’s be clear, this isn’t a neutral state, the impact will be negative and will carry costs, both human and material.
When you think back, how would you rate the effectiveness of your one-to-one meetings out of 10? 1 being poor and 10 being high?
To help answer that let’s think about:
- Engagement/relationship building
- Increased motivation
- Shared understanding and commitment to delivery
- Improved performance and outcomes
If you’re giving yourself less than 8 out of 10, let me suggest there’s plenty of room for improvement. The number one priority of these conversations is increased engagement. Engagement is a heightened emotional connection to work which enables us to make great contributions.
So where can we start?
Question 1: Who’s doing the talking?
One of the behaviours distinguishing great leaders is their ability to listen. This is a key skill in one-to-one meetings, so if you’re doing most of the talking - you’re not listening enough. The 80/20 principle is one Kim Scott raises in her book Radical Candor; that’s 80% you listening, and 20% talking.
Great listening includes listening for emotions, questions, uncertainties and potential hindrances, as well as what’s going well. Why does it matter? Because it helps build belonging and connection in your team.
Ask yourself:
- Have I fully heard?
- Am I sure I’ve listened to what was actually said (as opposed to what I think was said)?
- Have I created an empathic space for this colleague to communicate what’s on their mind?
Question 2: Does anyone know what’s going on?
A regular schedule and structure for your meetings helps build trust and certainty, especially useful in times of turbulence and uncertainty.
Why does it matter? A clear structure keeps the meeting focussed and enables you and your colleague to prepare, maximising the meeting time and the impact on accountability and progress.
Ask yourself:
- Is there a clear and shared agenda?
- Is there a shared document for us both to add updates and questions?
- Are we both putting in sufficient preparation time?
- Are we recording decisions, actions and progress effectively?
Question 3: What if I’m only hearing good news?
BIG red flag! It’s unlikely that everything is ‘fine’. So how do you find out what’s really going on?
- Warning signs that all is not fine can include:
- Surface-level updates only, scant on evidence and detail
- No challenges/issues raised
- No requests for support or learning discussed
Ask yourself:
- How can I build trust with this team member so mistakes and challenges are seen as areas for development and opportunities to improve, and not personal failings?
- What don’t I know, that if I did know would enable us to really focus on improvements?
Question 4: How often should we meet?
At least every two weeks, and sometimes every week, in some roles, a quick sync every day is the only way. You’ll work out what’s best for you - remember the focus here is on building engagement and adding value to the organisation.
Ask yourself:
- How challenging is this person’s day-to-day role right now?
- What else is going on for them which is enabling/hindering their success in the role?
- How experienced/mature are they in this role?
- Have I asked them how I can best support them to be successful?
Whatever cadence you settle on, have the meetings scheduled in, prioritise them and show up. We build trust by showing care and respect to our colleagues by being reliable and showing we care about them and their work.
Question 5: Where’s the learning?
When you’re feeling the pressure it’s easy to focus on task delivery, giving directions, getting the job done and ticking the boxes. The role of a leader is so much more. Benjamin Zander in The Art of Possibility suggests we ask:
- What assumption am I making, that I'm not aware I'm making, that gives me what I see?
- What other perspectives are there I haven’t yet considered?
- What might I/we invent?
I could add:
- How can we set about learning what we want to learn, that would really up our game?
Eric Ries, author of The Lean Start Up writes about the value of ‘validated learning’, for Ries, learning is only ‘validated’ when there’s evidence of change. Harvesting the learning from our one-to-one conversations, which we put into action, bringing about impactful change is the point. This is where we build meaningful connections and genuinely add leadership value, one conversation at time.
Keen to learn more?
"Want to make your one-to-ones more purposeful? Download my free One-to-One Meeting Leadership Checklist to start transforming your conversations today."