❔Ever noticed how emotions arrive unannounced, shaping our world before we even have a chance to question them?
❔Ever drafted an angry email, paused just in time, and later felt relief at what you didn’t send?
❔Ever snapped at someone, only to realise the frustration wasn’t really about them at all?
Philosopher Martin Heidegger described this phenomenon through Befindlichkeit, the way we “find ourselves” in a mood. Not something we consciously choose, but a state that reveals itself in how we experience the world.
I once heard James Taylor speak of the ‘precarity of our emotional lives’, a striking phrase, and a deeply human truth.
One moment, we are calm, open, in sync with the world. The next, a single phone call, an email, a passing comment shifts our entire state of being. We’re suddenly anxious, angry, or consumed by doubt, as if an unseen tide has pulled us under.
The Power of Moods
Heidegger saw moods not as fleeting emotions but as the very lens through which we perceive life:
🔹 Moods shape our reality. When we’re anxious, the world feels threatening. When we’re hopeful, new possibilities emerge. Our state-of-mind colours what we notice and how we interpret events.
🔹 We don’t choose moods, we wake up into them. Like the weather, they arrive without our consent, reminding us that we are always already “thrown” into situations beyond our control.
🔹 Moods reveal what we care about. Frustration signals that something matters to us. Resignation suggests we’ve abandoned hope for change. Every mood carries a message, if we’re willing to listen.
🔹 Anxiety is an existential mood. Unlike fear, which fixates on a specific threat, anxiety exposes the deeper uncertainty of existence itself.
🔹 Moods are collective. Families, organisations, even entire societies can embody a mood, shaping culture, decision-making, and the possibilities people see for the future.
The Stories Beneath Our Emotions
Alan Sieler’s work in Ontological Coaching explores how moods are not random; they are deeply tied to the stories we tell ourselves about life:
🔴 Resentment – “The past should have been different.”
🟠 Resignation – “The future will be no different from the past.”
🟡 Anxiety – “I don’t know what’s coming, and I fear I won’t handle it.”
🟢 Acceptance – “The past happened. I don’t have to like it, but I acknowledge it.”
🔵 Ambition – “I see possibilities and can create a different future.”
🟣 Wonder – “I’m curious—what else is possible?”
If we don’t examine the stories beneath our emotions, we risk becoming trapped in them.
From Reaction to Choice
Emotions predispose us toward certain actions. Anger urges us to defend, control, or retaliate. Anxiety narrows our vision, pushing us to avoid risk. But when we pause, when we inquire, something shifts.
Coaching offers a space for this inquiry:
🔹 Notice → What mood are you in?
🔹 Explore → What story is shaping this feeling?
🔹 Shift → What new stance would serve you better?
An ontological coach won’t ask, “How do you stop feeling this way?” Instead, they’ll ask:
👉 What’s the deeper assessment behind this emotion?
👉 How is this story serving you, or limiting you?
👉 What new perspective might open up different possibilities?
The Art of Emotional Navigation
For a client experiencing anger, coaching might explore:
🔹 What expectation has been violated?
🔹 What boundary to you want to express?
🔹 What difference would it make if you were to accept what cannot be changed?
For a client experiencing anxiety, the questions might be:
🔹 What uncertainty are you facing?
🔹 What’s your belief about uncertainty?
🔹 If the worst happened, how would you begin to deal with it?
A Final Thought
We are never stuck in a single way of being. Moods shift, and we can shift with them. Awareness grants us choice, and in that choice, new actions, and new futures, become possible.
So, what’s a mood you’ve been finding yourself in lately? And what might it be showing you?